I Need You
by beatingoutasamba
Summary: Haunted by her own imagination, Beckett turns to Castle for comfort. Set during and immediately after the events of "Cops & Robbers".
1. Blame

**Well, I must say, "Cops & Robbers" is definitely one of my new favorite _Castle _episodes. I'm always a bit skeptical of TV episodes involving a hostage situation, but I think Andrew Marlowe handled it perfectly. I didn't think _Castle_ could get any better after season 3, but I was wrong. I can't wait to see what the rest of this season has in store for us. Anyway, this first chapter is an alternate version of the scene where Beckett finds Castle. Enjoy! :)**

**DISCLAIMER: I'll keep this short and to the point - I do not own _Castle_.**

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><p>"Look, we don't have time to wait for a return phone call, so find him-"<p>

A deafening noise interrupts Beckett and an explosive shock wave hits the van with a powerful jolt. In that split second, a dam breaks and dread floods her heart. Tears threaten to fall as she closes her cell phone. She immediately envisions the worst case scenario –

_Castle lies on the hard tile floor of the bank with a glass shard embedded in his heart. He coughs up blood, and a few seconds later, he breathes his last words._

"_I love you, Kate."_

_Martha crawls toward him, leaving a trail of blood in her wake. She gasps in pain as she pulls herself further. Once she reaches him, tears of sorrow mix with tears of pain, streaking her mascara. Her body shudders with grief as she cradles his body in her arms._

"_I'm sorry, Richard," she whispers._

_Her eyes drift close, her grip relaxes, and she slumps forward._

_Beckett bursts in through the doors._

"_Castle!"_

_She sprints to his side and screeches to a halt. She collapses on the ground and checks for a pulse; her worst fears become reality when she doesn't find one. Alexis' words echo in the corners of her mind._

"_They're all I've got."_

_Beckett looks down at the lifeless bodies of Castle and Martha – she blames herself. A better cop would have gotten the hostages out alive, but she didn't. She failed and now Alexis doesn't have a family. Because of her failure, the love of her life is dead. He's dead and never coming back._

Beckett shakes her head; she needs to focus – they could still be alive. She shakily rises from her chair and emerges from the van. The bright sunlight is surprisingly beautiful, bouncing off the dust and smoke in the air. A lump forms in her throat as she realizes no one could have escaped the... No. She can't think like that. She has to hope beyond hope that he's still alive because she doesn't think she can cope if he isn't.

Her police mentality finally takes over, and as if in a trance, she reaches for her gun and charges toward the building. She barks commands at the other officers and they follow her inside.

"Castle?" she calls out. Her racing heartbeat drowns out all other sounds.

_She sees Castle sprawled out on the ground in a pool of his own blood._

Beckett's vivid imagination almost paralyzes her.

"Castle?"

Smoke stings her eyes and she can barely see, but still she continues. She has to see him again. She has to find him.

_He turns his head to look at her. His skull is partially caved in and he's bleeding from one eye._

"_This is your fault."_

She tries to block it out; she won't be stopped by a nightmare.

"CASTLE!" Maybe if she screams loud enough, her prayers will be answered.

"Beckett?"

She shines her flashlight in the direction of his voice, not daring to believe that what she heard was real. Blinking the smoke away, she catches a glimpse of him. She stares at him, and he gives a little wave. He's alive. He's really alive. She silently repeats it over and over until she convinces herself it's true.

He's alive.

"They're here!" Beckett yells to the S.W.A.T. team behind her. The gated door creaks as she pushes it open. She throws a small smile in Castle's direction before opening the final door standing in her way.

Castle's laughter rings out.

"I told you! Ha!"

Never in her life has she been so glad to hear his voice. She kneels down before him and smiles in relief. Getting her knife out, she reaches for his bound hands. She holds them in her own for a fraction of a second longer than a friend would and looks deep into his eyes.

"Here we go. Ready?"

He nods.

"'Kay." The knife cuts through the plastic in one quick motion.

Her hand seems to have a mind of its own as it reaches for his lapel. She caresses the fabric, and before she can stop herself, she pulls him close and presses her lips to his for a brief moment. The kiss is more out of relief than anything else, but he gazes at her in stunned silence, his mouth gaping open. She knows she crossed an invisible line, but she doesn't care. Maybe she's ready for more. Maybe if she tells him she remembers everything, that she remembers what he said to her... Maybe...

"He's not the only one here you know."

They both turn to see Martha watching them.

Beckett looks back at Castle.

"I'm so..."

She blinks once. She almost tells him everything, but the moment is gone. She makes a snap decision and slides over to kneel in front of Martha.

"I'm so sorry Martha. I just..."

"Got caught up in the moment?" Martha smiles as her hands are cut free.

"Yeah."

Beckett can feel Castle grinning behind her. She knows that their relationship has changed; perhaps it hasn't changed much, but it's a start.

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><p><strong>Well, I really hope you enjoyed this! The second chapter should be posted in a day or two. Thanks for reading! Also, I'd love it if you took the time to leave a review; I always appreciate feedback, whether it's good or bad.<strong>


	2. Guilt

**First of all, I'd like to thank you for all of the alerts, favorites, and reviews. It really means a lot. Secondly, I've decided to make this story 4 chapters long. This chapter is a bit short though... It was going to be longer, but I couldn't get the ending to work, so I just decided to publish what I had. Anyway, I think it actually works better this way.**

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><p><em>Beckett hears the soft chime of her cell phone and smiles when she sees the caller ID; she gets a flutter in her heart every time he calls. Composing herself, she takes a deep breath and answers the phone.<em>

_"What do you want, Castle?" she asks, trying to portray annoyance, but not quite pulling it off._

_"Tell me you need me."_

_Beckett nearly chokes on thin air. He couldn't possibly mean that. Could he?_

_She starts to respond, but realizes that her defenses are down – if she tells him that she needs him, she'll wind up telling him everything. That she remembers. That she loves him. That she wants him... He looked absolutely heartbroken when she told him she didn't remember; how is he going to react when she tells him that she lied?_

_"Hello? Beckett? Are you there? Beckett?"_

_She stays silent, not trusting herself to keep the secret that will destroy him._

_"Stupid phone. Let me talk to Kate!"_

_She stifles laughter when she hears Castle banging his phone against the wall._

_"Technology!" he scoffs. "I should've written her a letter."_

_The phone clatters to the ground and Beckett can tell that something has changed._

_"No. Please, don't! No! You can't! Please, Beckett! Kate-"_

_A gunshot shatters Beckett's eardrums. _

_"Your boyfriend's dead," a voice sneers before the line cuts out._

_The precinct starts to cave in around her and she falls into a vortex of despair._

_"Castle! CASTLE!"_

Beckett wakes with a start, screaming his name. She sits up abruptly and looks around the darkened room. Moonlight filters in through the window.

"Castle," she whispers.

A shiver runs down her spine, so she pulls the covers around her and uses the edge to wipe away her tears.

In the back of her mind, she knows the dream wasn't real, but somehow she can't bring herself to believe it. She didn't save him. Again. If she had just responded... If she had told him that she needed him, he would have left the bank to be with her. He would still be alive instead of lying dead on the cold, hard floor.

The little voice in the back of her mind draws her back to reality and reminds her that he is alive. She still has the chance to save him. She can still tell him before it's too late. Wracked with irrational guilt, she reaches for her phone and begins to dial his number, having memorized it ages ago.

It rings once.

She knows it's stupid, but she can't put the phone down. What will she say if he answers? It's not like she has a reasonable excuse to be calling him at this hour.

She hears another ring; it sounds exactly like the gunshot from her dream. Was it really a dream? Reality and imagination start to blur. Beckett rapidly taps her fingers on the bed.

"Pick up, Castle. Answer your phone, come on."

A third ring reverberates through the air.

"Damn it, Castle! Pick up!"

"Geez, Beckett, relax! What do you need?"

She lets out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding. It's now or never. She can't make the same mistake twice.

"I need..." Her voice starts to crack. "I need you."

She puts a hand over her mouth and hangs up before he can say anything. Tossing the phone across the room, she realizes the implications of those three words. Why? Why did she do that? Of all the stupid decisions she's made in her life, that has to rank near the top. But part of her disagrees – maybe this could be the start of something more. Maybe this is the best decision she's ever made.

Beckett climbs out of bed and pulls the comforter with her. He'll be there soon. She goes outside her apartment and leans against the front door. She slowly slides down to the ground and closes her eyes to wait.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading; I can't wait to see what you think! The third chapter will be posted soon and I can promise you that it will be much longer than this one. Oh, and although I like the title of this story, I'm trying to think of a better one, so if you have any ideas, please let me know.<strong>


	3. Need

**Well, I was hoping to have this posted on Monday, but alas, a combination of writer's block and homework made that impossible... Anyway, I'm quite proud of this chapter; I think it may be the best one yet! :)**

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><p>Castle taps his foot impatiently, willing the elevator to move faster. His mind races at the thought of what might have happened to Beckett. Maybe she was abducted. Maybe she was attacked. Maybe she was <em>killed<em>. There's no other reason why she would call him in tears at three in the morning. He dreads to think of what he'll find when he reaches her apartment. Blood. Shattered glass. _Her broken body_. He tries not to think like that, but he's a writer – he kills people for a living. He can't help but think of the worst case scenario, and this time, it isn't pretty...

_Beckett is awakened with a jolt. She sits up quickly and hits her head on something. The pounding in her head becomes a pounding in her heart as she realizes where she is – the trunk of a car. How did she get there? Thinking like a cop, she analyzes her surroundings._

_She can't see any light from outside, which tells her that it is still night. Her hands aren't bound; she was probably drugged, so they didn't bother. She experiences a brief flash of fear when she wonders who 'they' are. _

_She shifts in the trunk to get more comfortable and feels something hard in her pocket. She still has her phone! Her kidnappers must have forgotten to take it. Getting it out, Beckett quickly dials the first number that comes to mind. Suddenly, the car screeches to a halt and throws her against the hard metal of the trunk. They heard her wake up._

_In hindsight, she realizes that dialing "911" would have been a better idea, but there's no time to change her mind now; she just has to trust that Castle will answer his phone. Unfortunately, that's looking less and less likely as she hears the phone ring for the third time._

_She can hear two car doors slam and footsteps coming toward the back. Growing desperate, she shouts, "Damn it, Castle! Pick up!"_

_As if on cue, Castle responds with, "Geez, Beckett, relax! What do you need?"_

_The footsteps get closer._

_"I need..."_

_The trunk opens and two men in ski masks stare down at her. Beckett's voice breaks._

_"I need you."_

_Her kidnappers snatch her phone away and crush it to bits. One of the men gets an evil glint in his eye and points a gun at her head._

_Kate stays quiet, hoping he won't go through with it, but he's already committed._

_She doesn't feel the bullet as it enters her brain. Crimson blood seeps from her wound and stains the trunk._

The elevator's ding brings Castle out of his nightmare when it arrives at Beckett's floor.

"Finally."

He sprints down the hallway. She needs him and he isn't going to let her down, but when he sees her crumpled body, he thinks he's too late.

_She's dead._

He rushes to her side, frantically shaking her, praying to God that he can somehow bring her back to life. When she takes a breath and shoves him away, he thinks it's a miracle.

"You're alive!"

"Uh... yeah?" she sarcastically retorts.

"I thought you were dead."

"Oh." She casts her eyes down to the floor. Guilt surges through her as she realizes how Castle must have interpreted her phone call.

"Kate..." He bends down and tilts her head up with his index finger. "What happened?"

She refuses to speak. More than that, she can't speak. She's been paralyzed with fear. How can she possibly tell him that she had a nightmare about him? How can she tell him that the fear of losing him is so great that it cripples her? How can she tell him that she loves him? It's all too much, so she just looks deep into his eyes, trying to make him understand.

Castle is taken aback by how vulnerable she looks. Even though she won't talk, he knows that something bad happened that night. He picks her up with the comforter and carries her inside. She doesn't offer any resistance, and this scares him most of all.

After setting Kate down on the couch, he goes into the kitchen and boils a pot water. The small bubbles rapidly become an angry fury of tumultuous waves. Castle clenches his teeth. The person responsible for turning Kate into a melancholy wreck is going to pay dearly for what they did. He looks back at Beckett on the couch – she stares at him absently, as if her mind is elsewhere.

Pouring some water over a tea bag, he pulls himself together. He can't let his anger get in the way of comforting the woman he loves.

"Oh Kate," he murmurs, handing her the cup of herbal tea. Her hands shake as she accepts it. "What happened to you?" He doesn't expect an answer as he sits down beside her.

They sit that way in silence. Kate sips her tea and Castle watches her.

In that moment, she wants to tell him everything. He cares so much for her that he's willing to quell his curiosity to make her feel better. So what if she lied to him about remembering! Would it really destroy him? Probably not, but she can't take that chance; he means too much to her. Maybe she can show her gratitude in some other way...

She sets her tea on the table and surprises Castle by curling up into his side and resting her head against his chest. He tentatively wraps his arms around her in a warm embrace and she closes her eyes, grateful for the heat. As she drifts off to sleep, she feels Castle kiss her hair. It's almost inaudible, but she also hears him whisper three tiny little words – the same three words that had been replaying themselves in her mind for months. A slight smile flashes across her face. After all this time, he still loves her.

About an hour later, when Castle is sure that Beckett has crossed over into REM sleep, he picks her up and carries her to her bedroom. Tucking her in like a young child, he kisses her forehead again and brushes a strand of hair out of her face.

He settles down in the chair by her bedside and falls asleep to the beautiful sound of Kate's even breathing.

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><p><strong>Well, I hope you liked this chapter. I'm looking forward to reading your reviews! <strong>

**Also, this is a bit random, but the italicized phrase in the first paragraph, "her broken body," was inspired by the Doctor Who episode "The God Complex" in which the Doctor tells Amy, "And what's the alternative? Me standing over your grave? Over your broken body?" Yeah... I'm a Whovian. Deal with it. :)**


	4. Patience

**I am so sorry for how long it took me to finish this story. Being a film production major is incredibly time consuming, so I haven't had a lot of time to write for the past few months. I've been too busy writing script pages and filming things on weekends... Anyway, my classes are over for the quarter, so I was finally able to sit down and finish this. I hope it was worth the wait. Thanks for sticking with me!**

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><p><em>"This is perfect, Rick."<em>

_The soft sand shifts slightly beneath Kate's body as she turns her head around to look up at him. He smiles down at her and wraps his arms around her midsection._

_"I'm glad you like it."_

_As the sun drifts just below the horizon, Castle pops open a bottle of Dom Pérignon. He pours it into two glasses and hands one to Kate._

_"To us," he toasts, lifting his glass high up to the sky._

_"To us," she repeats._

_They clink their glasses together and each take a sip, stopping to savor the bubbly sensation._

_"Happy anniversary."_

_He leans in and presses the gentlest of kisses to her lips._

_"I love you."_

_Tears well up in Kate's eyes._

_"What's wrong?"_

_"I love you, too," she answers shakily. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me."_

_Castle sets his glass in the sand, then grabs her glass and does the same. He lies back and pulls her with him. She snuggles up against his chest._

_"You're the best thing that ever happened to me, too."_

_Kate wipes away a tear and raises an eyebrow._

_"What about Alexis?"_

_Castle laughs._

_"Okay, second best."_

_"Hey!" Kate smacks him on the arm._

Castle listens to Kate giggling in her sleep. She seems happy, which is a nice change. He smiles and wishes that he could bottle that sound up and save it for a rainy day. He's always thought that Kate's laugh was the most beautiful sound on the planet – you can't help but laugh with her.

"Castle?"

"Kate, you're up!"

"Yeah... Why are you still here?" she asks sleepily.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Well would you stop looking at me like that? It's creepy."

"I think the word your looking for is 'romantic'."

Kate sits up in her bed and pulls the comforter up around her shoulders, hoping for some semblance of decency.

"No, I mean 'creepy.'"

Castle laughs and shakes his head.

"Whatever you say, Beckett. Anyway, what were you dreaming about? Me, I hope."

"I... uh... what?" How could he possibly know that?

He smirks.

"You were laughing in your sleep. It was adorable."

Kate breathes a sigh of relief. For a split-second, she thought that he might have developed mind-reading capabilities.

Just then, a crazy thought crosses her mind. She lets the comforter drop around her waist and adjusts her tank top, drawing Castle's attention to her breasts.

"Oh, I was just dreaming about kissing a certain someone."

Castle's heart lurches in his chest. His breathing quickens and he leans forward in his chair.

"Go on."

"We were sitting on the beach sipping champagne. It was our anniversary. He said he loved me... It was the best dream I've ever had." Kate realizes that she wasn't lying at all. She had had dreams about Castle before, but none like that. This one was so vivid that it was almost like a memory. A _perfect _memory.

"What was his name?"

She snaps out of her memory and gets back to her plan.

"His name was Richard."

Castle sits in stunned silence, not able to find the words to respond. It's one thing to tease Kate about her dreams, but to have her confirm his suspicions...

"Richard Gere."

"What?" Castle chokes.

Kate lets out a sharp laugh when she sees the dumbfounded look on his face.

"I've had a crush on him since _Dirty Dancing_."

She jumps out of her bed and grabs a change of clothes, leaving him to ponder his thoughts.

Just as she closes the bathroom door, Castle shouts after her.

"Richard Gere wasn't in _Dirty Dancing_!"

Kate puts her face in her hands and leans against the back of the door.

"Damn it."

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><p>Castle had started to make pancakes while Kate was getting dressed and shoots her a very smug look when she joins him in the kitchen.<p>

"Richard Gere?" He asks while stirring the pancake batter.

Kate doesn't bat an eye. "Yep."

"Uh huh. And... which movie was he in again?"

Kate sits down at the table.

"Oh come on, Castle, I wasn't dreaming about you. Can we just move on, please?"

"Sure."

Castle continues to stir the batter and Kate looks around the room, trying not to watch him.

"What beach were you and 'Richard' at in your dream?" Castle suddenly asks. He has a plan. He just hopes that Beckett doesn't catch on to what he's doing.

"Santa Monica Pier," she answers dutifully. She knows he's never going to drop the subject, but maybe he'll drop it faster if she plays along.

"And what kind of champagne did you drink?

"Dom P_é_rignon."

"What were you wearing?"

"A sundress."

"What was I wearing?"

"A tux." Kate immediately claps a hand over her mouth as she realizes her mistake.

Castle's eyes widen.

"I knew it!"

"Castle! It's not- We didn't..."

"Katherine Beckett, you had a dream about me."

She opens her mouth to protest.

"Don't even try to deny it! The words are out in the cosmos now – you can't take them back."

Kate looks at the table in embarrassment.

He realizes that he's making her too uncomfortable, so he tries to remedy the situation.

"Well, if it's any consolation, I've dreamed about you too."

She continues to look at the table, now completely lost in her thoughts. Her expression gets sadder and sadder by the minute. The dreadful nightmare from the night before is starting to come back to her. She may have felt happy for a few moments this morning, but moments are fleeting. Castle died last night and it was her fault.

She's vaguely aware that Castle is calling her name in concern, but she can't bring herself to face him. She called him at two in the morning because she had a nightmare. Pathetic.

"Are you okay?"

Castle shakes her shoulders, bringing her back to reality.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

He sits in the chair next to her.

"God, Kate, what happened last night?"

"It's stupid..." She looks away, but Castle turns her head back to face him.

"Whatever happened, it wasn't stupid. If you called me in the middle of the night, it must have been for a good reason.

"I had no business calling you. I just had a stupid nightmare. It was nothing."

"Like hell it was nothing! You were practically catatonic last night."

Kate's voice wavers. "You died. You died in the bank and I couldn't save you. I just... I just had to hear your voice."

She looks directly into Castle's eyes and his heart breaks. She looks more vulnerable than he's ever seen her, but most of all, she looks sad. The thought of losing him is so great that she has nightmares about it.

_Welcome to my world_, he thinks.

"Kate..." He caresses her cheek. "I'm glad you called."

She smiles weakly.

"Now cheer up, because I'm here, I'm alive, and I'm making you pancakes."

He jumps out of his seat and goes back to the kitchen.

Kate joins him a moment later.

They work in perfect synchrony. They don't say anything because they don't have to. They've only made breakfast together a few times before, but it feels as if they've been doing it every day for years.

When Kate holds a plate out so that Castle can put a newly made pancake on it, their hands brush together. Electricity passes between them. In that moment they both know that they are meant to be together, even if it's not right now. They need each other and that's never going to change.

With her eyes, Kate silently says that she isn't ready yet. The wall is still there, but she's working to break it down.

Castle understands and sends a silent message back: _I'll wait._

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><p><strong>Again, thank you so much for putting up with me and busy schedule. I really appreciate it. Also, I've been working on a 45-chapter Caskett story called "Sweet December", so keep a look out! For more information, you can visit my profile. :)<strong>


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